From the Archives: Written on May 20th 2012
Luis’s Letter To SPM
Dear Carlos, 2/18/2012
How you been man?
My name is Luis I’m 13 and I’m from Utah. I know that’s a long ways to Texas but anyways I’m writing this letter to let you know I’m your biggest fan you’ll ever have. I know you hear that everyday man but I think I’m like you in a way. I grew up with no father, I got held back in the 6th grade. I got kicked out of school and I just got out of Juvenile Detention Center about 2 weeks ago. Anyways man I just think it’s fucked up that they gave you 45 years for some shit you didn’t do.
I got Free S.P.M. posters all over my room I even got some shirts too. Anyways man I hope you get this letter man. If you have time to write me back hit me up. I hope I get a letter from you.
Sincerely Luis,
P.S. If you write me back a
letter sign your name on another
piece of paper.
Hope to hear from you soon.
SPM's Responce
Luis,
Thank you for your letter. Your love and support mean the world to me.
I wish I could answer all the people that write me, everytime they write me, but it’s just not possible.
But one thing I try to do is at least write someone who write me for the first time. So pay attention to this letter because I might not be able to write you another.
The reason you’re always in trouble is because you were raised in a lot of pain. It’s no one’s fault, so you can’t blame anyone. You don’t know what kind of pain your father was raised in, so you don’t know why he wasn’t equipped with the love to be a better father. We can’t judge anyone in this world because when people are fucked up, mean, shitty, cold, sorry, there’s always a reason why. Usually it’s because something fucked up, mean, shitty, cold or sorry was a part of their upbringing. You seem like a smart boy, and you’re the same age as my son, so I’m writing you as if you were my own.
What happens when people get raised in pain, and pain has many faces, is that they somehow become addicted to that pain. They don’t really feel like they’re addicted, but the addiction is so deep that it’s hard to see. But that person will always be in trouble because trouble is what their addiction needs. They’re addicted to the risk, the danger, the drama of being bad. People raised in storms, grow up chasing storms. I heard one person say “The burnt child loves the fire.” They expect bad things from people, from life, and whatever you expect to happen, you’ll create for yourself. But your expectation levels were set when you were just a baby.
The first five years of your life is the time when your expectation levels and definition of normal is set. Expecting bad things causes you to look out for bad things. When you’re looking for a certain thing, you’ll miss the other things, like the good things in life. You’ll miss all the blessings you have because you’re too busy looking out for the bad shit.
If you had been raised in peace and happiness and serenity and people that spoke in kind tones and handled their problems with patience and love, then your expectation levels would be totally different. You’d expect people to be kind, patient, peaceful, and when people weren’t those things, you would think, “Man, something is wrong with this person. Let me stay away from them.” And you continue living and expecting good things until you find more and more of what you were raised in.
Sadly, many times the opposite happens. You run into someone very kind, very patient, very peaceful and you think, “There’s something weird about this dude. He’s definitely not my kind of people.” What we were raised with is what we were made with, and it’s almost impossible to change. It takes so much hard work to overcome a negative first five years of life. Because you’re not fighting what you learned, you’re fighting your very instincts.
So how can we hate people when it’s not their fault what they were made with? What I’m telling you, little brother, is it’s not your fault that you’re fucking up. It’s no one’s fault. The people who raised you did the best they could with the abilities they had. But here’s the deal: Now, you’re fucking up and headed towards a sad outcome. All these people in prison went through all the shit you’re going through right now. Juvenile, Fucking up in school, talking back to adults, being disrespectful to their mom, causing pain to themselves and those who love them, all that shit. You’re just like many other people that screw their lives up, and either fall in a cage or a casket, or work some sorry ass job and live a sorry ass life. I’m not being mean, Luis, I’m just telling you where you’re going. It doesn’t take a fortune teller to see which kids are throwing their lives way. The biggest problem is that these kids don’t give a fuck. Not only young people, but adults, too.
When I was young, I was the same way and I carried that attitude into adulthood. My mom would tell me, “Son, you’re messing up your life.” And I would say, “I don’t give a damn.” I didn’t care about having a fucked up life because I was addicted to things being fucked up, so it was no big deal. But it is a big deal, and only you can save yourself, homie. You have to someway, somehow find the love for yourself to start caring for yourself. I know that you really don’t give a fuck, but I’m telling you that you’re worth caring about.
You’re a beautiful person, and you can do beautiful things in this life. You can educate your mind and make it powerful. You can live in a beautiful home, with a beautiful wife, and raise awesome kids. A beautiful home doesn’t mean it has to be big and brick and swimming pools and marble staircases. A beautiful home is one that is decorated with the most priceless décor, the décor of peace and warmth and love and happiness. But only you can give yourself the best, no one can do it for you. You can either ruin your life, or save it.
You’re right, me and you were a lot alike, and even when I made money with my music, I was still very poor, because I continued to live in pain. I continued to hurt my wife, my mom, and I was never around for my kids. But check this out: When you love someone, you don’t like to see them get hurt. So, guess why you keep hurting those who love you; it’s because when you hurt them it gives you the pain you seek. You’re really doing it to inflict pain on yourself! I didn’t want happiness, I wanted pain because the addiction was still there. Money doesn’t help. So even though I drove around in fancy cars, and lived in a fancy house, I was still poor. Because people that are rich means that they have truckloads of happiness. Don’t ever think a lot of money makes you rich. It doesn’t.
What makes you rich is being kind, and patient, and peaceful, and forgiving and all the powerful things that will build a beautiful world for you. But a lot of people are more comfortable when shit’s all screwed up. They aren’t interested in happiness. People just aren’t comfortable around strangers, and for many people, peace and happiness are strangers. But you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to create happiness. Then you’ve got to get used to it. Learn to love and appreciate it. It might feel boring at first. It might not be as fulfilling as running from the cops and breaking your mom’s heart, but just make yourself get used to happiness.
You deserve the best, little homie, and the best is peace and warmth and love. I hope you’re smart enough to understand what I’m telling you. Then, I hope you’re strong enough to do it. It’s easy to be a fool. It’s easy to end up in a casket or a cage. It’s easy to do wrong, but the strongest, bravest people on this planet grow the nuts to take care of themselves, and those who love them. And when it’s time, they can also help other people who need it. Any dumbass can hurt people, and be mean to people, but the strong uplift people. You’ve got the strength to do it, but you’ve got to start fighting for yourself. The big thing right now is school. School will build you into an awesome person, especially once you get to college. But first things first, and if you’ve got homework today, that’s a good place to start.
With All My Love,
Carlos
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